I Got It
I think I got it
At fourteen zoning out on the knoll
Thinking about how there’s no magic coming
My body’s on a set course from now to oblivion
No magic spell to cross the binary is coming
And nothing made me more sad than that
I think I got it
I never would’ve assumed so
I suppose I was unhappy with myself
Until my body started resembling an unwelcome guest
Maybe I just never gave it much thought
I let people paint and put a name on it
When they craved hair like an indicator
Not talking about the mop on their head
Talking about the hair that solidifies chromosomes
“I know you hate it but why would that matter?”
Yeah I really let them have their way
Threw away my ‘me’ and let the wolves fight it out
No reason to complain right? I had it good
Getting the clout of my peers, it’s good right?
Love, fame, and a living wage, that’s good right?
Knocking back 12 shots just to cope, that’s good right?
Crying in the mirror, that’s the good stuff right?
Saving none of your love for yourself, that’s the good thing yeah?
I had what they wanted, it never looked like suffering
So no one ever lent a hand, just let it all slide
Why’s that? I know why’s that
That’s why I think I got it
Yeah I got it
When I tell them I’m not of their number
But they don’t care, they got a bone to pick
Man man man, they gotta throw down hands
And nothing makes me more ill
Makes me wanna tear my skin off
Rip my organs out and rearrange them
In a way where they’ll start to see me
Do I wanna? No, but it’s like I gotta
Cos I got it, but they have to see I got it
I got the scars but, nah I ain’t got it
Somedays I feel like one way, so I don’t got it