I am asexual

Generally speaking, this means I don’t experience sexual attraction

I see the feminine body and I feel nothing

I see the masculine body and I feel nothing

Now when I see the body of androgyny, a spark of interest ignites inside of me

But this is not attraction

This is excitement

Excitement in representation

This is because I see myself in that body

In a body that abides by no rules

In a body that encompasses everything and nothing all at the same time

This is because I am agender as well

But that’s a story for another poem

I am asexual

But don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate beauty

Physical beauty

But I don’t crave it, I don’t hunger for it

The way the stereotypical 12-year-old boy hungers for the swimsuit models in the magazines

I don’t feel that

The way a closeted queer person sees their first same-sex celebrity crush on the screen of their television and realizes who they really are

I never had that

I didn’t like anyone

I tried to feel something

I tried

I tried

I tried to look at them with the eyes of desire

But I felt nothing

Not attraction

Nothing

It just wasn’t me

I am asexual

But my definition

My experiences

My words are my own

Don’t take them as gospel

They’re far from it

I am asexual

And for me it means I don’t find people to be physically attractive

For me it means I don’t crave sex or physical intimacy

For me it means that if I’m with my partner I will kiss them

I will hold them

I will show them the highest level of intimacy that I can

But it’s not rooted in physical attraction

It’s not rooted in how sexy I think they look in that tight skirt

It’s not because that new button-up shirt is getting me all hot and bothered

It’s not because they are so damn thick that I can’t contain myself

It’s because that’s how I show them I care

That’s how I show them love

I’m asexual

And I can be affectionate

I can have sex

…if I want to

…or I could not

Whatever I do that’s my business

 

Julie Mejia is an undergraduate at UCLA with a major in Sociology and a minor in LGBT studies. Julie grew up in Pasadena in a Colombian-American household. They/them pronouns.


All works in The Asexual are created by writers, artists, and creators who identify under the ace umbrella. Owner retains copyright of work upon publication, but agrees to give The Asexual first serial/electronic rights and print rights as well as electronic and print archival rights. Owner also agrees that if the work is published subsequently, either online or in print, credit to The Asexual is provided.

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